A little letter from my heart to yours <3

The Mama Margin #2: on ode to Muslim fatherhood, Islamophobia, and summer solstice!

Near Ramallah, Palestine. From Esaias Baitel, 1992.

**disclaimer: this was supposed to go out on Sunday but I was ill and couldn’t share**

Hello friends,

I hope you are having a lovely Sunday filled with contentment and joy as the summer days start to trudge along with its sticky humidity and heat waves (at least here on the East coast).

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about fatherhood, in light of last weekend’s holiday and the state of our world, I am trying my best to hold space for Muslim men in particular. As we witness a media landscape that has combined all its forces to tarnish the image of a Brown and Muslim man running for New York City Mayor, I am distraught with how much Islamophobic racism has not only been encouraged but justified in America for decades. It is not lost on me that in the last two years, these bigoted sentiments have only grown in fervor and have cost our communities severely. This Father’s Day, I am seething because Western audiences have been vilifying the men who have protected me, poured into me, and deserve the very same empathy and care that their equals are granted in any other case. Since the brutal genocide began in Gaza almost two years ago, I have seen how language has been weaponized to strip Palestinian men of their humanity, how it has been used to otherize them into a subgroup of humans that are not good enough to receive the world’s concern or worry. As I write this, I am also witnessing the smear campaigns and nasty decharacterizations happening to Zohran Mamdani.

I’ve grown up hearing the stories from my father about how his colleagues would purposely desecrate his prayer area in the company’s breakroom during the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks. After September 11th, our neighbors quite literally spread rumours about my dad being a “terrorist” to so many neighbors throughout our neighborhood that the family next door to us sold their house and moved away. My father, a kind, shy, devout, humble, and hardworking man, who couldn’t possibly even hurt a fly, is a gem in my life. I truly believe the world is a better place with him in it, no exaggeration, ask anyone who knows him. I am proud to call him my father. I’ve never lived a day in my life afraid of my father’s wrath or feeling under-cherished because that is who he is. He didn’t believe that power was wielded in striking fear, or using cruelty or aggression like so many men are primed to do so; instead, he always walked this earth gently, and I love that so much about him. He has always been my brother and I’s comfort figure, constantly available for unlimited giggles (and tickles), and he tried his best to give us a beautiful childhood with all the means at his disposal. See, my dad isn’t someone who was particularly born with privilege or with all the odds in his favor. He was the eldest son of 8 siblings. His father left them around the time he was in middle school, and that meant he had to shoulder responsibilities that no child should ever have to at that age. He gave up his chance to gain a higher education and instead began working to pay for his siblings’ schooling and fees, sacrificing his future for others.

The thing is, he didn’t have any positive paternal role models himself, in fact his experiences with his own father are filled with trauma and toxicity (just being real here..) — yet he strived to break these generational curses. He made sure to never let us encounter even a second of the mistreatment that he was unfortunately subjected to as a child. I sometimes glance at my father when he is occupied with his favorite hobbies like gardening, cutting fruit, making tea, or tidying up his beard, and I can’t help but be saddened a bit when I remember he was once a young boy, too. He deserved the world, and he still does. My brother and I are his wildest dreams, and he never forgets to remind us that we are capable of anything we put our minds to, as he lectures us for the millionth time to “never be embarrassed of asking too many questions!”.

my dad very proudly taking pictures of my brother (class of ‘25!)

dad and I on the day I got married <3

This Father’s Day was also special because it was my husband’s first time experiencing it as a dad. The last year has been so profoundly enriching (and challenging) in mysterious ways as I’ve been blessed enough to witness the person I love so dearly become a parent and do such a great job at it. I wouldn’t have been able to get through most of pregnancy, childbirth, or postpartum had it not been for his unwavering support and partnership (alhamdulilah), and I’m so grateful for his role in my and my son’s life every day. Despite being a Gen-Z dad, he’s also had to overcome several hurdles when it comes to breaking cultural barriers and expectations that often expect dads to play a more passive role by being “hands-off” or nonchalant when it comes to the minuscule details of their children’s lives. I’ve witnessed how hard he’s worked to overcome patriarchal cultural norms, and oftentimes in defiance of the disparaging voices of others.

Anyways…

Whether it be my dad or my spouse, I refuse to accept the notion that Muslim men are violent or aggressive by nature. I am thinking of Mahmoud Khalil in this moment, and how this evil administration stripped him of such a beautiful and irreplaceable moment with his wife and newborn child — they stole from him memories he can never regain. I am thinking of the Palestinian fathers who are holding so much grief and yet continue to remain steadfast for their loved ones in the face of what is arguably the worst humanitarian crisis of our time. The empire is at its utmost convenience when Arab and Muslim men are otherized and dehumanized by these racist stereotypes that suggest they are not deserving of basic dignity or self-preservation (re: current media narratives about Muslim men in Gaza, Iran, etc). We cannot allow them to write our narratives for us.

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tips!:

• For my mamas and anyone really who has taken up the noble work of caring for children — I hope to include small tidbits on what has been working for me and my little one in these posts, so stay tuned!

joys of the week:

• Celebrated my little one’s 6-month birthday! can’t believe how quickly time flies. It feels like only yesterday that he came into our lives, and now he is rolling and babbling and causing all types of lovely baby chaos <3

• Some friends and I got together to surprise another good friend of ours for her birthday, and I got to learn how to arrange flowers in the process:

  

• took my mom to the farmers market and noticed some lovely in-season beets and cherry tomatoes:

  

  the color on these tomatoes is heavenly

link roundups:

• This interview from Bon Appétit on Zohran Mamdani was such a great read. He talks a lot about his own food memories and how access to healthy and affordable food has been a major political issue in New York City.

• I’ve also been reading this blog called 600ftandababy, where a woman based in Vancouver with 2 children (who lives in a 600 ft apartment as her website name suggests) writes about living meaningfully, in an organized and sustainable way in small spaces. I’m finding comfort in her words as I am currently in the process of de-cluttering our apartment since I’ve noticed a correlation between my anxiety getting much better when I own fewer things, so I totally recommend her blog if you’re in a minimalist phase like me.

• I recently discovered the Farm to People podcast series called Know Your Food, and last week I listened to this episode featuring Mehreen Karim, an American-Bangladeshi recipe developer/chef from Atlanta who is releasing a Southern plant-based cookbook soon, which I’m sooooo excited to get my hands on once it’s out. Mehreen explored some of the ways our food culture in the US today is so detached from agricultural processes and argues that everyone should master cooking as a basic life skill, akin to something as necessary as literacy. I def recommend checking it out.

• I also listened to an episode with Dr. Noreen Galaria from Radhi Devlukia’s podcast, A Really Good Cry. Dr. Galaria is a renowned dermatologist based in the NoVa area who is well-versed in treating concerns in patients of color, and it was really interesting to hear her elaborate on certain ways one could essentially ingest their skincare by eating and living right vs. focusing on acute treatments later down the line. A very refreshing listen for sure.

• Here’s a poem I've been enjoying this week:

Of The Empire by Mary Oliver

We will be known as a culture that feared death
and adored power, that tried to vanquish insecurity
for the few and cared little for the penury of the
many. We will be known as a culture that taught
and rewarded the amassing of things, that spoke
little if at all about the quality of life for
people (other people), for dogs, for rivers. All
the world, in our eyes, they will say, was a
commodity. And they will say that this structure
was held together politically, which it was, and
they will say also that our politics was no more
than an apparatus to accommodate the feelings of
the heart, and that the heart, in those days,
was small, and hard, and full of meanness.

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Thanks for reading my words from The Mama Margin. If you’ve connected with my writing in any way, I’d be so grateful if you’d consider supporting it by becoming a paid member or sharing my post (see links below) 💌: