resurfacings

2024 recap, ins and outs, and my entry into motherhood

Hi friends,

Apologies for my prolonged absence from here.

2024 was a whirlwind that threw me off track as I attempted to navigate all of the different challenges that come with being in your early 20s, married, living in a new city you haven’t gotten adjusted to, and working in a super competitive *and* demanding career/industry all while keeping my head above the water. Last year was hard, but it was also full of surprises because (jk I plan my life meticulously and hate surprises) — I had a baby! Yes, you read that right… I was pregnant for most of 2024, hiding in plain sight haha. I’ll be honest, I reallyyyyyyyy wanted this and prayed for this blessing for a long time, but for some reason when I found out I was expecting, I was a bit shaken by the sheer weight of the responsibility that was to come and how my life would change forever (and now almost 3 months postpartum I can confirm it has changed alot).

I remember finding out some time in the last ten days of last Ramadan, and more than the excitement I was supposed to feel, I was more so burdened by the heaviness of a new job, toxic familial issues, and the uncertainty of my super chaotic life — let’s just say my intro to motherhood was off to a bad start. I wasn’t surrounded by the most encouraging folks who perhaps I expected to help me feel empowered as I prepared to embark into this really special journey. The disappointment I felt, mostly in others and perhaps due to my unrealistic expectations, really impacted me on an intrinsically deeper level than I had anticipated (please treat the pregnant and postpartum women in your life nicer, lol). But, there were also some real-life angels in my life who went out of their way to ensure that I didn’t feel alone and that I felt cherished + supported as the long nine months of my pregnancy slowly passed by. Going through major life changes have a way of showing you who in your life is there to stay (and who isn’t), and I think that is actually a blessing in disguise — it’s something that I am actually incredibly grateful for. Even though these times have been mired with extreme loss at some points, the beauty of what comes after that loss is much greater. What I understand now is that I had to shed off the dead weight that was holding me back in order to gain something extraordinary back — my sense of self-worth, self-acceptance, inner clarity, and peace. In the Quran, Allah promises us “Verily after every hardship comes ease” and now that my pregnancy is over and I am nearing the end of the fourth trimester, I am truly feeling the significance of this verse settle into me.

Anyways… <3

On the night of Dec. 19th, Musa, entered this world gracefully and peacefully. It was truly one of the most beautiful moments of my life and perhaps the wildest things I’ve ever experienced as well (I hope to write more about birth and postpartum recovery in another post). Let’s just say childbirth cannot be described in words but really only experienced in real time.

Musa being held by his Dad <3

Musa is Arabic for “Moses”. I favored this name long before I knew I was expecting because of Moses’s religious and cultural relevance not only in Islam but all of the three Abrahamic faiths. Musa is mentioned more times in the Quran than any other prophet. The story of Musa is perhaps one of the oldest examples of what it means to be a revolutionary, a person that stands with the oppressed and the wronged. We wanted to give our baby boy a name he can always be proud of, one that provides him with a plethora of examples of perseverance, humility, and God-consciousness in tough and good times alike.

I love being Musa’s mom. It’s a role I feel like I was made for. Motherhood has challenged me immensely, but also changed me for the better — I love who I am becoming more and more everyday. Being his mother challenges me to show up for myself where I usually wouldn’t have, to teach him what it means to have dignity and self-respect in a world/society that is constantly trying to push the margins for what is acceptable for people like us. Everyday I find that I am trying to to be a better version of myself, to model a behavior or characteristic that he’ll be grateful to inherit and pass down. I try to do better because I know he will be watching me — his mama.

Motherhood has also been forcing me to become a way more empathetic person than I was before having a child. Becoming a mother gives empathy and consideration a whole new meaning. I remember how taken aback I was during pregnancy when I realized that basic empathy and care is an absent trait in most Western societies for mothers, pregnant women, or anyone who isn’t able-bodied. Motherhood has helped me sharpen my ability to resonate with others and anticipate the needs of the people around me. Moms are special people, with extraordinary abilities. All the friends I’ve made through this journey of motherhood are folks that just get me and are able to hold space for all of my weaknesses, challenges, and feelings.

It is also making me crave connection with others in a way that I never have before. Perhaps because pregnancy, postpartum, and motherhood are all incredibly delicate and sacred phases that are equally isolating and lonely. I had never felt lonelier than I did now, but it’s helping me create better community in my quest to fill that gap. I remember my best friend visiting me at home a few days after I returned from the hospital, and how much it meant to me — I really didn’t want her to leave and even asked her to stay lol.

Postpartum be like that. Isolating. Painful. Heavy.

But it’s not all doom and gloom. Motherhood can also be: transformative, liberating, and colorful.

I am spending my days trying to find a balance between the two, settling into the new season (yay spring!) and Ramadan. I hope to be more present on here since the dissolution of my job, yes I am one out of the thousands of federal employees that Trump and Musk have laid off. I will most likely have loads of free time to finally contribute more to this blog of mine. Stay tuned and engaged. Thank you for staying with me <3.

Love,

Iman

Sunrise, Louise Glück

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**see below for my 2025 ins & outs**

What were some of your ins and outs for the year?