My favorite poet of all time is Mary Oliver, of course, like any nostalgic young woman — her work has lit a fire in my soul from a young age. I still run to her poems to find solace today. It feels like a Mary Oliver poem can fix any bad day at times. In her poem “What I Have Learned So Far”, she writes:
“Meditation is old and honorable, so why should I
not sit, every morning of my life, on the hillside,
looking into the shining world? Because, properly
attended to, delight, as well as havoc, is suggestion.
Can one be passionate about the just, the
ideal, the sublime, and the holy, and yet commit
to no labor in its cause? I don’t think so.All summations have a beginning, all effect has a
story, all kindness begins with the sown seed.
Thought buds toward radiance. The gospel of
light is the crossroads of — indolence, or action.Be ignited, or be gone."
“Be ignited, or be gone” has been my mantra this month so far. Submitting to all of the love around me, elevating my heart’s wellbeing, and delighting in all of the warm and lovely people in my life recently has been my conscious routine.
This past week, my husband and I attended the weddings of two of his closest friends, both who were groomsmen at our weddings. Both celebrations were in the same 24 hours, on two opposite ends of the country — so I do think we must have broke a world record by attending two weddings in 24 hours. There is something magical about witnessing people you care finding their person and getting a glimpse of their joy as they tie the nuptial knot, no? I remember when I first told my best friends I was getting married, and they cried tears of excitement and I was like ??? I didn’t understand why at first but after attending a dozen weddings of various people we love dearly, I am finally understanding how the happiness of those who you cherish is actually your joy too. Like I am happy that you are happy? Celebrating love is my favorite way of reminding myself to choose my heart’s natural rhythm, which is to seek and nourish all sources of love — and this doesn’t only apply to romantic relationships but platonic and familial ones too. Prioritizing love is an active and ever-changing task that helps you see the world and the people in your life in their most authentic and genuine forms. It is a choice. It is about vowing to choose the long road, the rougher but sweeter path. Life is for loving.
We also spent the week with my aunt (maternal), her husband, and her two baby girls (a 1 yr old and a 7 yr old) who we absolutely adore. My aunt lived with us for a little under a decade when she first came to America so she is also the one and only aunt that I feel closest to. Ironically, in Islam, the status of a maternal aunt or the sister of your mother is an elevated one — where the Prophet Muhammad ﷺ even once said that the maternal aunt has the status of your mother (in the absence of your actual mother that is). The mom’s side is always winning forreal. That being said, I love all my maternal-side family dearly…... so seeing my aunt, especially as the death anniversary of my grandmother approaches, felt so important and healing. All of my mom’s siblings are quite young (still in their 30s) so I love spending time with them because they are so relatable, giggly, and easy-going and are less of an authority figure and more like a friend. We had lots of fun exploring our childhood classics like Junie B. Jones, the Magic Treehouse, and Judy Moody with my 7yr old cousin and soothing her 1yr old sister who was still in her peak infancy stage of dealing with strong trust vs. mistrust emotions (re: Erkison’s Theory according to my nurse student aunty lol).
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In recent news, France has rolled out a new Islamaphobic law — this time banning girls from wearing abayas in schools, or any pieces of clothing that falls under the “abaya” category (but how do we define what an abaya is?). Long thobes, which are traditionally worn by men across the Middle East and Muslims in the larger Islamic world have also been banned. Though its not surprising, the new ruling is a clear indication from the French state that Muslim girls are not to exercise any form of bodily autonomy and nor do they have the right to choose how to express themselves, particularly when they show an inclination towards Islam that is clearly evident. The hypocrisy of French secularism is that Europeans are allowed the privilege of choice whereas Muslims are simply…….not. Muslim girls being stripped of the choice to wear their preferred clothing (i.e. loose long flowing clothing) is totally comprehensible in their worldview. Muslim expression is a threat to them. The Minister of Education & Youth of France, Gabriel Attal, specifically stated that Muslim students wearing long and loose garments like the abaya was a direct attack on laïcité, France’s constitutional principle of secularism. In his own words, he noted that (French) secularism was a means of freedom to “emancipate oneself” and that Muslim students should not be identifiable by their clothing. Clearly their definition of emancipation is skewed. The Ministry has went as far as saying that visibly Islamic clothing being worn in schools is a “political attack, a political sign” against the state and an attempt by Muslim students to proselytize Islam to others.
I am tired of visibly Muslim, hijab-wearing women being the first line of defense in the face of attacks from xenophobic Islamaphobes. When there is a rise in Islamaphobic sentiment, it is visibly Muslim women who are hurt the most. More than anything, I hate how what Muslim women wear is constantly under scrutiny from outsiders and those within our internal spaces alike (i.e. incels, men, Muslim misogynists, aunties, etc). Whether it be France, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan, Iran, or other countries, the focus should be on bodily autonomy, human dignity, gender equality, and freedom of choice. But of course, we are eons away from that. There is a separate conversation to be had about the very real and rampant issue of religious indoctrination and use of force within Muslim societies and families when it comes to hijab and other modest forms of clothing too. Because when we talk about Muslim women not being allowed to wear hijab, we should be talking about those who are being forced to wear it as well. Muslim women are being killed everyday, by their own people, for not wearing a piece of fabric. I dare you to look up the latest headlines on the words “honor killing” and tell me what you see. As much as France’s new bans are upsetting, we should be equally enraged by the millions of Iranian women who are forced to abide by draconian hijab laws by the Islamic Republic. It has been 1-yr since the tragic killing of Jina (Mahsa) Amini by the Iranian morality police, and yet there has been zero substantial change or reforms — in fact the regime has only doubled-down on it’s policy.
For example, Egypt also recently rolled out a new ban on Niqabs in schools recently (Niqab is a type of face veil which covers the entire face except the eyes, often worn by those who identify with a more ultraconservative interpretation of the religion). This ban was received with drastic opposition by a lot of vocal Muslims who, you guessed it, live in the West and probably have never been forced to wear the face veil. My personal opinion is that young schoolgirls should be identifiable for security and health purposes anddd are probably not choosing to wear the face veil freely, as often isn’t the case. I mean how can I teacher assess the wellebeing of a minor student if their face is covered? I am not sure. Should the state interfere the way it has in Egypt? I am also not sure. I’ve grown up my whole life witnessing so many of my Muslim age-mates being forced to wear modest clothing by their families (i.e. hijab, niqabs, and long skirts for example), and I’ve seen the psychological impact that has had on so many girls. It leaves a long trail of body dysmorphia, internalized shame, a debilitating fear of being judged, and a never-ending cycle of living a double life for many young women. I personally know so many women who have been disowned for choosing to wear what they want, for taking off the hijab, for choosing to live freely. We need to be highlighting the millions of Muslim women being forced to wear religious clothing in the same breath that we are opposing Islamic-wear bans in the West — they are both intertwined yet Muslim ultraconservatives and incels alike refuse to humanize the latter.
On a sadder note, the devastating news that has come out of Libya and Morocco has been heart-wrenching these last few weeks. The combination of corrupt government, bureaucracy, imperialism, weak infrastructure, and climate change has left both countries reeling — especially war-torn Libya where the eastern city of Derna has been virtually wiped off the map and there is no stable sense of government to coordinate relief or rebuilding. Please keep both countries in your prayers and consider donating to an ethical and transparent organization who is doing work on the ground.
I know I have not written in a while and have felt guilty about it but to be fair I’ve been swamped with travel, a new job, and family duties so it has been tough to catch a moment to sit, breathe, read, and write — but I plan on starting back up real sooooon.
Thank you for taking the time and staying with me as I lean back into this habit of writing.