what's holding me together this week
Mama Margin #3: surviving heatwaves, renewed hope, and on not letting homesickness drown you
a reflection from the week
This week was bittersweet. I had to say goodbye to my mom, who was visiting me for a couple of weeks, and it was not easy. Ever since becoming a mother, my appreciation for my mom has grown, not only because having her around makes life so much easier (lol), but she is my best friend and is always down for an adventure. She is constantly chipping away at the work of convincing me that everything I’ve ever deemed impossible is possible. In simple terms, she’s my biggest cheerleader. Within the few weeks she was with us, I found myself making significant progress in a variety of my personal passion projects and getting my life in order again. Her youthful spirit holds everything together and makes even the simplest of excursions feel wholesome and fun. We explored so many parks, restaurants, coffee shops, boutiques, and all types of places I wouldn’t get the chance to do on my own with my little one being so tiny. Also, let’s be honest, your mom is probably the only person who takes care of you when you become a mom, without all of the unproductive and excessive obsession people have only with the baby, which is so misplaced considering the fact that a happy and well-nourished mama = a happy and well-nourished baby!
The more time I spend with my mom, the more I realize there is a treasure chest of stories and womanly wisdom within our mothers that oftentimes goes undiscovered because of our lack of curiosity. I like to remind myself that my mom is just a girl! Her thoughts, opinions, and experiences matter and deserve to be explored. My favorite pastime before I got married and moved away was grabbing coffee with her at our favorite cafe, and being able to indulge in that same activity again whenever I wanted recently was truly a treat.
After I dropped her off at the airport, I was filled with dread. Having my mom with me the last few weeks made parenting feel way less challenging than it usually does, and I didn’t know how I could possibly bear all the responsibilities of being a mother on my own again. As I drove home, teary-eyed, the next song in queued up in my car was “Tezeta” by Ethiopian classical singer Mahmoud Ahmed. Boy, was I a wreck after that. I literally had to pull aside the road to sob.
The Amharic word “Tezeta” translates into the word nostalgia in English. This song, in particular, has lived in Ethiopian collective memories for decades as it really encapsulates this deep feeling of longing for something you cannot attain. Dr. Elleni Zeleke, author of Ethiopia in Theory, May her soul rest in peace — wrote a captivating piece linked here, breaking down this very Ethiopian concept of nostalgia (tezeta) in the contexts of migration, revolution, etc., which I find profound and probably one of the best attempts out there to analyze the meanings of tezeta.
Anyways…
I knew if I continued moping around the house after her departure, the baby blues that had been haunting me would take me down, so I made it my mission to leave the house every day since she left. I went to a friend’s for lunch the next day, which was so fulfilling for my soul. The following day, I went to a parent meetup that I have been attending since I was around 6 months pregnant with Musa, so seeing all of our babies exactly a year after was so fulfilling. I couldn’t help but think how merciful Allah (swt) has been with all of us, allowing us to see this day where we would all be together, holding our little ones in health and happiness. All praise and thanks are only for Allah in all circumstances.
a lesson from this week
This past week was the first week of the Islamic New Year (it is the year 1447 now). The Islamic new year couldn’t have come at a better time, in the middle of the Gregorian calendar, or June, which marks that half the year has gone by. I am using this week to renew my intentions for the remaining half of the year and reflect on what progress I’ve made in the first half, and I invite you to do the same. I’ve listed out a few journal prompts below that have been helping me feel grounded:
What are 5 things you are most proud of from the last six months?
What habits have you broken? And what habits have you established?
What goals did you set in the beginning of the year? Do they still matter to you?
What areas of your life are asking for more attention?
What boundaries do you want to protect? What boundaries do you want to build?
What would you say to your past self at the beginning of the year?
What are you holding that needs to be laid down?
a joy from the week
We started reading The Gruffalo to our little one this week in our attempt to start reading books with more sentences that rhyme in the end — let’s just say he’s been loving it.
my tips/recs
As we all know, a severe heatwave hit the U.S., Canada, and Europe this past week, causing temperatures to reach a peak earlier than usual in the season. Heatwaves are one of the most underestimated weather-related threats, even though they cause thousands of preventable deaths every year. What makes heat-related deaths so dangerous is that symptoms often go unnoticed until a person collapses or it’s too late. Infants, the elderly, and people with chronic illnesses are at higher risk of health complications or deaths caused by heat waves. As global warming progresses and a spike in the Earth’s average temperatures remains constant, “heat domes” or trapped moisture in the atmosphere are becoming more common. In simple terms, whatever terrible high-temp heatwaves we are experiencing now is probably the coolest it will ever be in our lifetime. It’s important to protect babies when there is a heatwave, especially since their thermoregulation isn’t fully developed, meaning they cannot sweat effectively enough to cool down like adults do, causing them to overheat quicker + combined with their inability to communicate that they are. Babies also absorb heat faster, and honestly, are fully reliant on their caregivers, which makes them so vulnerable during extreme weather events like heat waves. Though this isn’t my first rodeo, it was my first time experiencing a heatwave as I frolicked around the city with my baby in tow. I was able to avoid exposing him to the scorching heat while also making sure we had lots of fun. Here are my tips for a baby-friendly day out during a heatwave:
Always park your car in the garage and then turn the AC on as soon as you put your baby in their car seat so that hot air isn’t being insulated in your car. If you are not alone, ask one person to go ahead and start the AC a few minutes before you put the baby in the car.
Install some window shades for the doors that are nearest to your baby’s carseat (or really the whole back side) so that the sunlight isn’t further adding unnecessary heat onto the baby.
Make sure you dress your baby in natural fiber clothing like cotton or muslin, which are way more breathable. Primark and UNIQLO have been my recent go-tos.
Don’t wait for your baby to give you hunger cues; just offer more comfort feeds because they need hydration more often than not. If your LO is 6mo+, offering water is also a great idea.
Stick to air-conditioned destinations if possible. If you have to go outside, seek the shade and try to avoid peak heat hours, which are usually from 10 AM to 4 PM. Also, try using a clip-on fan for your baby’s stroller and cover the stroller with a muslin cloth to protect from harsh sunlight.
Learn about the warning signs of overheating and monitor them often. Things could change in such a short period that it is important to be checking your LO’s temperature often, looking out for any concerning symptoms, and tracking local weather updates.
link roundup:
US State Department told to end nearly all its overseas pro-democracy programs from The Guardian: I read this a few days ago and honestly, it made my heart sink. All I can think about is the foreign civil society and human rights partners abroad who crucially relied on resources from USAID to keep their fight against repressive regimes going. I suggest reading if you are one to track what has been anvery slow and painful dissolution of USAID over the last few months.
Below is an IG post from Imam Khalid Latif, who describes so eloquently why Sunnis need to be embracing the history of Karbala.
